Meeting the man of my dreams

Before I met Ryan I will admit that my romantic life was bleak. Actually more than bleak. Ryan was my first boyfriend. While it felt terrible to be single through all my teenage years, I can now see that it is an amazing blessing.
Camp Homewood is my favorite place on earth. I was a camper there for many years and went back as staff once I graduated. It is fitting that it is also the place where I met the love of my life.
Sidenote: This post will not be filled with pictures like my other posts. After looking at all the pictures of Ryan and I's 'friend period' I realize there is really only group shots and pictures where he is in the background, obviously I was not expecting him to become so important in my life at that point!
After a terrible and dream killing experience at nursing school (no I do not plan on elaborating on that, I just want to forget it ever happened!) I went to Camp. I did not only sign up for the usual summer camp run, but instead applied to stay from spring 2013 till the end of summer 2014. All of my life goals and plans had revolved around becoming a nurse (which I did not) and I was hoping that plunging myself into camp ministry would distract me from my disappointment. Luckily it did much more than that!
I drove up to the bunkhouse that I would be living in for the spring and summer, put my garbage bag full of clothes in the closet, set up my sleeping bag on the bed and had a moment of despair. It felt like I would never do anything with my life. The feeling only got more intense the next day. There was no camp on, or any activities, and very few people at camp. There were only two boys there (I was a little disappointed) and they were quite elusive. I did see them from afar at one point, and can clearly remember thinking 'I wonder if one of those guys is who I am going to marry?'. I met one of them later in the day and after a few minutes of chatting concluded 'nope, not marrying any of these boys!'.
I must have met Ryan the next day at lunch, but I honestly don't remember it. The first time I remember meeting him was when I asked him to go swimming with me. Although it was May and the ocean was freezing, swimming was my favorite thing to do, I aimed to swim everyday. Nobody that I knew wanted to swim with me, so I saw Ryan walk by and went out on a whim by asking him. He had never swam in the Pacific before and was keen to try.
Always a thoughtful man when we got down to the dock Ryan asked me if it would make me uncomfortable if he swam shirtless. I thought that was hilarious, but took note that he was a very nice guy. So his shirt came off and was went swimming. Well I went swimming, Ryan got out so fast he almost flew! I told him that it got less cold if you jumped in three times. He jumped in two more times and did not agree with that statement lol.
Not long after this some new staff came. The most noteworthy being 'M' (a guy) and 'A' (a girl). A and I became friends right away, M and Ryan did as well. Ryan almost instantly got a big crush on A, and that is how we all started hanging out as a group! We fell into a nice routine, every evening when our work was done we would all go for a long walk. We became good friends, and still are, A and M were both in our wedding party. Because Ryan had a thing for A he would ask her to have a cup of coffee or a snack with him after the walk. Because A did not reciprocate his feelings and did not want him to think they were on a date or something, she would ask me to tag along.
That spring is one of my favorite memories of camp, it was so fun. I was almost always the obstacle course teacher, Ryan would teach Outdoor living. These two activities are right next to each other so in between classes Ryan and I would chat and eat marshmallows around a fire while waiting for the next class of kids to arrive. This is really the only time we hung out by ourselves.
After 3 months both A and M left camp. This was a little hard on both Ryan and I because we missed them a ton! Now that A was gone I got to know Ryan a little better, mostly since his crush was no longer around to distract him haha. Soon I started to catch some feelings for him, or in camp terms I 'got the sparklys'. Sadly Ryan still 'had the sparklys' for A. I decided that if he didn't take any interest in me by the end of summer then I would give up on him. I was staying at camp for the whole year and he was probably going back to the Prairies anyways.
In an interesting twist Ryan applied to also stay the year at camp and was accepted. The summer went along and Ryan did not take any interest in me. I prepared myself to be happy with just being friends for the year, but held out hope until we went on an end of summer surfing trip. A came all the way back to the island for the surf trip along with Ryan, me, and a few of my siblings. Right off the bat Ryan obviously still liked A so I said that's that and killed off any feelings I had for him. I fully intended to enjoy that surfing trip and to not trouble myself with thinking about a boy any longer. I knew that God had a husband out there for me, but it must not be Ryan.
Unbeknownst to me Ryan had also decided that if A did not reciprocate any feelings by the end of that surf trip he would not pursue her any longer. The surf trip was amazingly fun, and A did not have feelings for Ryan. There was two weeks where the winter staff were supposed to go home after the summer, Ryan could not go home and was going to stay at camp all by himself. I offered that he could stay with my family for that time but he politely declined, he said it would be too awkward (haha he is stuck with them now!).
After two weeks I went back to camp. The winter staff were all people who I did not know very well except for Ryan. Because of this we started hanging out every day. I firmly believed that Ryan was still hung up on A and honestly all of my feelings had subsided, I was happy just being friends. But apparently those feelings were just hibernating because when one of my friends flippantly suggested that maybe she should like him I blurted out 'well I like him so...?'. I didn't really like him, but the prospect of my friend liking him did not sit well with me.
We became best friends. Ryan taught me how to shuffle cards all fancy and I taught him how to play Jin Rummy. we played cards or watched movies every night. I turned 20 and we all went to Monkido adventures for my birthday which was amazing. Ryan was all tan and freckled and I remember thinking he looked particularly cute that day. Apparently he thought he was too old to date a 19 year old (he was 23), so I had just became fair game.
One night we were playing cards and I asked Ryan how he liked all the staff. He talked about each person and when he got to me he said "And you...Well you are pretty special". He looked like he was going to say more but he didn't. Then we both went to reach for the same card and ours hands touched and it was like little fireworks went off in my head. Totally corny, I know!
We then started watching the movie 'limitless'. After the first few scenes Ryan paused the movie and said "I have to say something. Give me a second." Then did this funny deep breathing thing that he always does when he is trying to work himself up to do something. I usually think its funny and cute, but that time it terrified me as I suddenly knew what he was going to say, and it totally took me by surprise. He pulled himself together and told me that he liked me. I blurted out that I liked him to, even though I hadn't thought of him that way in a long time and wasn't actually sure I liked him at all. He told me to pray about it and then watched the rest of the movie. I did not know it at that point but I had a very nasty bacteria. I spent the whole movie trying not to barf, it was pretty terrible.
I was really sick the whole next week and just did not feel up to doing much. I got put on the same job as Ryan, oiling the saddles. It took a whole week and we were alone together all day every day. I don't think I said one word. I am seriously the most awkward person ever. The combination of feeling sick, being awkward and being unsure of my feelings made me turn into a mute. We still played cards and watched movies but we didn't talk. One day we went on non-date and took some horses to a jumping arena. It was really fun, but I still didn't talk!
The next week rolled around and campers showed up. We all hopped on a bus to go to a soccer game and Ryan sat next to me. He asked me if he could take me out to dinner. I accepted, and even managed to have a very un-awkward conversation with him. Later that night I started to panic. I had never been on a date before. I didn't even know if I liked him that way!
I decided to call my trusty friend A to calm my fears. She was delighted that we were going to go on a date, she had always thought Ryan and I were good together. I was worried that Ryan thought that it wouldn't only be a date, and I wasn't ready to commit to being his girlfriend! A assured me that it was normal to go on a few dates then decide that, it was not a big deal. That put my heart at ease and I felt peaceful about it. A few days later we were hanging out and Ryan said he wanted to clarify that he had meant 'go out to dinner' as a real date, I knew that right? I said 'Of course it's a date!' still thinking he only meant one date.
The big day came and we headed over to town on the ferry. Our first stop was the local museum. I generally like museums, but I don't think I would recommend them as a first date destination. This one in particular was dark and creepy. On top of that it was just awkward. I had a sinking feeling this date was not going well.

So dark and creepy in the museum!

Our next stop was a local Thai restaurant. I have always thought that dinner dates were a bad idea, how could they not be awkward? With the awkward museum experience and still feeling very sick from the parasite I could not see this going well. But it did. Actually it was like the awkward cloud lifted. We had a really nice talk, and I did not barf up all my food.
Our last stop was the movie theater. We watched an animated movie about turkeys that didn't want to get eaten for Thanksgiving. It was a cute movie and I am glad we didn't go to see anything super romantic or something. The whole movie I kept thinking 'hold my hand hold my hand hold my hand' but he didn't. On the ferry ride home we sat in my car. We chatted a little and Ryan went to hold my hand, awkwardly enough I was totally not expecting it and it made me jump and pull my hand away! I am not smooth in the slightest. Luckily Ryan is the most gracious person I know and politely asked "May I hold your hand?"
We held hands the entire ride home and I was very impressed that Ryan could drive one handed. I do remember that because I have very small hands and Ryan has big hands my fingers started to ache from holding hands waffle style. Funny the things that stand out to you. I remember thinking that hand holding made electric shocks go up my arms, it was all very new and exciting.
The next day I was sitting in the living room with two friends. They were both on Facebook, and both looking at me with weird grins on their faces. I was confused and they wouldn't tell me why, just that I should look at my Facebook. Low and behold Ryan had posted that we were 'in a relationship'! So much for it being only one date.

Anyways that is the story of how Ryan and I met, became friends, and started dating. Stay tuned for our dating story!

When you don't die well.

So I am not normally a 'sappy' poem writing person, but this has been going around in my head for some time, weirdly enough in poem form. My older brother died last year of a drug overdose. I have had a wide range of emotions around this and am definitely not over it (probably never will be). I had expected days like his birthday and holidays to be hard, but they weren't. Instead its the most random things that make me feel overwhelmingly emotional. Like when the song 'See you again' comes on the radio (often), or when I see people wearing the same 'Pink Floyd' shirt as the one my brother was buried in. I see him everywhere, any dark haired bearded man will have my brothers face when I see them out of the corner of my eye. This poem is from the perspective of a grieving sister, so it is pretty raw and may not be politically correct.

WHEN YOU DON'T DIE WELL

When everybody else is doing it
When you are already drunk, so taking someone elses prescription doesn't seem like a big deal
When things start to get hazy
When you look peaceful, like you are going to sleep, on the outside but on the inside your brain is screaming that something is going very wrong
When you can't breath and it hurts
When your friend is dying next to you and you can't help him
When your dad gets a knock on the door and it's a police officer
When your parents have to call every relative and give them the news and cry, over and over
When grief freezes the lives of everyone who loves you
When everyone is trying to understand how this could have happened
When it's time for the family to go to your viewing
When everybody stares at your body and cries for hours
When nobody wants to leave because they know it's the last time they will be able to see you, to touch your skin, even if it's cold
When you have a very formal funeral, not what you would have planned at all, but the funeral wasn't for you, was it? It was for who you were to everyone else
When your divorced parents can't even be civil at your funeral, they thought the only time they would see each other again was at your wedding, but you will never have one
When everyone is mad at you
When they lower your coffin into the ground
When it seems impossible that your body is actually in there
When they shovel dirt over top of you, until you just look like a dark patch in a field
When people feel better when they forget about you, but never want to forget
When all you are now is a gravestone that is creepy, because your actual bones are under it
When people always leave you flowers which is strange because you are a guy, no one ever gave you flowers when you were alive
When no one will ever be the same
When your friend lived but you died and they don't know why
When the first aid attendant still has nightmares about how he couldn't save you, he feels guilty, he was your friend
When your family doesn't know what to do with your stuff, your truck, your house, your tools, your clothes, your debt
When every photograph of you becomes a precious keepsake, all there is left of you
When people think of you and it makes them sad
When your family is plagued by 'what if's' and how they might have been able to stop you
When your Facebook page becomes a memorial
When everything said about you is in past tense
When people feel the need to tell your family 'I'm sure he is in Heaven', but only God really knows
When your little brothers and sisters used to look up to you, but now they can't
When people ask how you died and no one wants to answer, no one wants people to think less of you
When the way you died seems to overshadow who you were
When everyone knows you didn't do it on purpose, but can't deny that you are to blame
When all your plans, ambitions, hopes, and dreams will never happen, for no reason at all
When your nieces and nephews will never hug to meet their uncle, you will just be a name and a story
When your death was such a waste, you were amazing
When nobody will ever stop loving you, you just aren't hear to experience it
When it still doesn't seem real
When you don't die well and you can't change it.
-Mellissa Davis


He was just hanging out with a friend. He tried out a drug for the first time and died. Don't do drugs. Don't even try them.

6 Months Old!

I can't believe my girl is already 6 months old! On the other hand it feels like she has always been here.

She is starting has recently started to stand whenever she can. She has absolutely no balance and will pitch herself backwards often, fully believing I will catch her. She hasn't figured out sitting without assistance yet, the lack of balance is her downfall with this also. She rolls like a pro! 

The dogs are Teddys two favorite things to play with. She loves watching them and petting them. She is pretty gentle, although does pull ears on occasion. Juni (pictured) is very patient with her and enjoys her attention. Martha is more high energy and likes running in circles around Teddy, which she thinks is hilarious. 

Teddy has two teeth, which came in a few weeks ago. We thought teething was no big deal at that point, it didn't seem to bother her that much. I now feel the pain of the millions of moms with teething babies. There are no new teeth yet, but they have been making their presence known through a screaming baby for the last week. Constant screaming. Constant. I think my brain and ears hurt as much as her gums do. She is sleeping a bit more than normal (a blessing), except a night (unfortunate). In this picture she had been screaming for hours straight, I had paced back and forth the length of my house, tried nursing (not her favorite activity with painful gums), sang, rocked, given her toys, given her massages, all to no avail. As a last resort for my sanity I put her on the ground and walked to the other side of the house. Of course she fell asleep before I even made it there!

Ryan and I have finally found a child friendly sport which we enjoy- frolfing! There is a really nice frisbee golf course here and Teddy likes being outside. My best score is +9 (in 9 holes), so basically I suck, but it's fun!

The miniature displays at Walmart are Teddy sized!

Well, although there is much more that I could write, I think my child has had enough of sharing my attention with a computer. The constant screaming will end someday, right?

  

Our Love story and wedding video

I plan to write out a more detailed post (or two!) about how Ryan and I met and married and such. For now I will put up the video we have of interviews of us on the night before the wedding and our wedding video. It's so cute I can watch it over and over lol

Oh how she has changed!

  Little Teddy is just about 4 months now and oh boy has she changed! She weighs in at a whopping 13.5lbs and has rolled over 3 times now :)

Teddy at 1 day old- 5lbs 13oz. Tiny!

Teddy at 4 months old- 13.5lbs. Still pretty tiny ;)

Teddys birth story

     Now that my adorable, chubby little 4 month old is down for a nap I figured I should probably write down her birth story before my memory dissipates.

   Ryan and I were super excited to find out we were pregnant at the end of May last year. Most people were surprised at our just after the honeymoon pregnancy, but we wanted to start a family right away and think that God timed our baby perfectly!

4 months along!

  First trimester was pretty rough, morning sickness hit me hard. I felt fat almost instantly, even though I didn't start really showing until after around 5 months. Second trimester was pretty smooth sailing except for nagging growing pains. I had a job that kept me pretty active and hoped that would help me not to gain extra pregnancy pounds. I kept working until the beginning on November, when my legs decided they did not want to stand for long periods of time anymore! I ended up gaining somewhere between 55 and 60 pounds by the end, apparently my exercise a lot so you can eat a lot plan was flawed.

   It seems that my family cooks babies a little faster than the norm. Both my Mom (birthed 10 kids) and my sister (birthed 2 kids) have given birth at around 38 weeks. Everyone told me I was crazy, but I held out hope that I would have Tetley a little early, or at least not go over 40 weeks. My neighbor told me 'Girls take longer for your uterus to cook, its just science! It takes at least 2 extra weeks for your uterus to make the babies tiny uterus and eggs!'.
   After receiving a lot of 'interesting' advice throughout this pregnancy Ryan and I decided to take it with a grain of salt ;)

    I help out at a youth group every Thursday and attended on the 7th of January as normal. That night before bed I felt what i thought might have been some braxton hicks, light tightening of my upper abdomen with no pain. At that point I was 37 weeks and 2 days. Ryan and I had been procrastinating and were waiting for 38 weeks to set up the crib and rearrange our room. I had packed the hospital bag with games and planned on bringing a laptop full of videos. I was preparing for the long haul, as I had been told to expect a 20-40 hour labor.

This is a hospital visit in early pregnancy- I did not look nearly this composed while in labor!

    At 5:30 AM the next morning, January 8th, I had to pee really bad. This was not unusual, at that point I was getting up to pee every few hours at night. While in the bathroom I had my first contraction. I went back to bed and decided not to wake up Ryan, but instead to wait until his alarm went off for work.  The contractions started at 20 minutes apart and quickly progressed to 10 minutes apart by 7:15 when the alarm went off.

    We were expecting things to go slowly so Ryan went to work at 8:30, telling me to call him if I got to 5 minutes apart. Shortly after he left my contractions started to ramp up. I had only back labor, and it was at this point that it felt like my spine was being crushed. I had a contraction that was 20 minutes long, and I started puking and um.. emptying my body from every orifice (TMI I know). I believe this was when my water broke, but I didn't realize because I was on the toilet. After that the contractions were 5 minutes apart and STRONG. I called the hospital to double check that I should come in. The nurse seemed to think I was exaggerating and told me I could come in if I could't handle the pain, but really didn't need to at that point.

    I decided that no, I could not handle the pain and called Ryan to take me to the hospital. We got there at around 10 AM and I found out I was 7 cm dilated. I was in a pretty dark mood at that point, I could not lay on my back, or sit still because of the pain. The nurses kept trying to get an IV in my arm but the contractions never stopped, just lessened for a short time, so I kept tensing up and making it hard for them. Ryan rubbed my lower back, which helped sometimes and made it worse other times- which was very hard to convey to him when I was in that much pain.

    My doctor arrived when I reached 9cms, and I really, really wanted to push. It may have only been 20 minutes or so, but oh my it seemed like forever until I reached 10cms! Once I finally was allowed to push I felt much better, in between pushes the contractions finally went away completely and I was able relax a little for small amounts of time. On one push Tetleys heart beat slowed quite a bit so I was given oxygen and it was right back up. Another doctor was called and he wanted to use forceps because of the dip in her vitals. I told my doctor I did not want forceps, I did not think it was necessary because her vital were now stable. The other doctor went off to get the forceps ready and my doctor said 'well I guess you will have to push her out before the forceps are ready then!'

      With that motivation I pushed her out on the next contraction! I had been pushing for a total of 20 minutes. She was immediately placed on my chest. It was a surreal moment in a way that I did not expect.  I was laying at a peculiar angle so i couldn't really see her on my chest, and she was so tiny I didn't even feel her weight. I did not need any stitches, but did need to be watched closely because I was bleeding more than they wanted me to. The lady in the room next to me had her baby right after me so all the of the staff left to attend to her, leaving me without a blanket. I have never been so cold in my life, I think I went into shock for a little while. Luckily a nurse came later and attended to me.

    Teddy was a little bean born at 5lbs 13oz, at 12:45 PM. Despite her size she was breathing well and healthy! It went so fast neither Ryan or I had thought to phone family until after she was born! Many excited and tearful phone calls followed. We stayed at the hospital one night and got very little sleep. At one point in the night Ryan crawled into the little hospital bed with me, we put Tetley between us and had the one and only hour of restful sleep that night.

   The next day was full lactation consultations and people pushing on my belly. Teddy was ready to go home 24 hours after her birth, which was a huge relief. She had lost less than 3% of her birth weight and almost getting the hang of breast feeding.

  Before Teddy was born I had thought that breast feeding would be a very natural thing that would just come to me easily. It ended up to be the hardest adjustment to Mom life for me. Suddenly it seemed as though I spent all day sitting on the couch nursing and all night sitting in bed nursing. I had this crushing feeling that my life was to forever be all encompassed by my boobs :P

    Thankfully nursing has become habitual now and doesn't control my life like I was worried it would. After getting home we have settled well into our new role as parents and can not thank God enough for our beautiful daughter! Teddy is a happy, rolly polly 4 month old now and I often just sit and stare at her awestruck at how amazing she is!

3 month old Teddy with her handsome Daddy <3

That smile!!

-Mellissa

Growing a baby- Pregnancy timelapse